Finding Self

I am afraid this post is going to come across a bit disjointed, but this is the way my mind and life is going right now. I have been holding off on any blog posting for a while because of this, but now that the major change has been completed it is time to start getting these things out of my head and out into the Google-Verse. I apologize in advance.

The main change is that, after 53 years of life, I am living alone for the first time. Even though this is for the best, and has been welcomed by the majority of my friends as a positive step forward, it is a difficult thing to handle. The bottom line is that I was married 22 years, and that is hard to just cut off no matter how the relationship had become more of a friendship. One of my clients told me that living alone is great but you have to be careful not to become too used to being alone. I wasn’t sure what that meant on Day One, but after a week I can see what they meant. It is VERY easy to go home after work and just sit on the couch and watch TV. WAY too easy. Some of this is due to my core friends are not in this area. My clients are spread from Pennsylvania, to Delaware, to California, to Boston … and my teammates are mostly in the Orlando area.

This is a period of adjustment, and I recognize this. I have to rediscover who John is (and yes, I know how stupid that sounds). I had mentioned this when talking about this with a friend. What if I rediscover who John is and realize I am not very fond of him? We are always hardest on ourselves, I know.

So, I need to focus. Focus on being what I need and want to be. Focus on becoming a better coach for my clients, building on the Fat Slow Triathlete brand, becoming healthier, fitter, more active, more in-tune with who I am and what I need. Stop settling for the easiest route and start fighting for what (and who) is worthy of my time.

But I still think of odd things at times. It’s the way my mind works. I am the type that everything can be going great and I will think “yeah but….”. I try not too. Never works. I was even thinking yesterday about Christmas. Should I get a tree? Why would I need one? There will be nothing under it. Do I spend it alone? Do I go visit family (yikes)? How about Thanksgiving? Do I become one of those “Hungry Man Thanksgiving Dinner” people? Do I start going to movies alone?

Sigh ….

Anyway, I will try to start writing more again. There are lots of things to cover. The podcast is going great and Randy has been an outstanding co-host. Way smarter than I am when it comes to gear, etc. which is great for me because it makes me learn to keep up (if you have not checked it out please go HERE and give it a listen and let us know what you think). Back of Pack Endurance is still out there but after speaking to Andrew he will be starting a new show that keeps that type of thing (interview based) going under a new name. When that happens I will post the new information. We now have branded kits at Jakroo, which will be open for certain time periods (this one is now open until October 14th). Please go order a trisuit or cycling jersey and help get the Fat Slow Triathlete brand out there. The coaching I think is going well. I feel like I should be doing more at times, but I am learning how to manage different athlete type and their specific moods, from VERY involved people like RB and SU, to the more laid back like DB and PF (if they give permission I will use their names (and this is a test to see if they actually read my stuff LOL).

So, lots to come in the future, stay tuned.

2 thoughts on “Finding Self

  • October 3, 2016 at 6:53 pm
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    Hi John,
    I appreciated your sentiments. Your friend gave good advice don’t get too good at being alone. I think when that happens we lose our sense of humor, our need to be compatible, and lovable. May I suggest you go serve others for the November holiday. It works for me.
    I am in my late 50s and walked my first half in Dec. 2015 in Dallas. I am training to race in a local race on Nov. 19th. I am facing some struggles with training right now. I have changed my hours works in order to continue to train in the morning without the tight time pressure.
    I have set my eyes on participating in an indoor triathlon next year. My challenge is my anxiety in a pool. Now I can do a back stroke when I am in the pool with someone I trust. lol!
    The financial challenge is great. I have read enough of your posts to know you understand that comment. And I know I will find a way to overcome that obstacle just like you will find peace living alone but never being lonely. Sending Love, Roselyn

    • October 3, 2016 at 6:55 pm
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      Thanks Roselyn. The choice was mine so I cannot really complain but it’s a change for sure.

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