The Reawakening

Here we are at the end of yet another year. 2015 marks the 6th year of my … reawakening … and this year has proved to be frustrating with an occasional moment of sunshine.

But let’s be honest. Most of these last two years have been this way.

It has been mostly due to the endless struggle between work, personal life, and training, and deciding what is most important. What becomes important to you doesn’t always line up with what is important to the people in your life, and that always becomes a struggle.

If it was up to me I would still be training three days during the week and both days on the weekend, for five days total. But that has not worked.

But there is the B.S. right there in that sentence.

Why hasn’t it worked??

It hasn’t worked because I have allowed others to dictate what I do myself. I have let my love of training with others override my love of training period. This is nothing they have done. It is me. They are not telling me to not go out on Saturday and run. That’s me saying “I don’t like running by myself so I am going to sit here and watch movies all day”. Three years ago if something was needing to be done on a Saturday it would be done AFTER I did what training I needed to do, not in place of it. Period. End of story. But I started taking the easy route, the path of least resistance, because, to be honest, I am just tired of the arguments.

And that is going to stop, because I cannot let that take over my life and regress me to the person I was 6 years ago.

This came after a few nights of being brutally honest with myself, who I am, what I am, what I aspire to be, and what is most important. It came with some tough love coming from a trusted person that I may not be as good of a person as I believed myself to be.

I became focused on what made me happy, on what I wanted to be happy, and the realization hit me that sometimes you cannot have it all. It’s heartbreaking, but true. Sometimes you have to meet your responsibilities whether or not they make you a happy person.

Training was my escape from that, and since training took a step back the unhappiness has crept back in, and along with that the bad habits.

The last two weeks since the tough love has proven to be a sort of reawakening of the reawakening. Enough with the excuses. A friend said to me recently that the person you are meeting for training, who is depending on you to be there, is the old you … it’s John … and he needs JC to get there and help him through. And those friends who also depended on JC to get them out there that have since fallen away (due to constraints that are very real)? They need JC back too.

JC is going to be there … heaving and huffing … trying to get up those damn hills … trying all he can to lose the weight he needs to lose … and dragging those who need him along for the ride.

2016 is going to be epic

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