I have trouble with men.
We are not, as a whole, a very nice bunch are we? I was pondering on this recently while going through the Facebook pages I belong to. Now I know that Facebook is hardly an example of society’s best and brightest, it’s amazing how many philosophers and political scientists we have in this country, but it is still a representative sample so I am using it.
The groups and pages I belong to are usually seen as “support groups”. Not specifically that, but they revolve around triathlon, running, biking, weight loss, etc. so one would think that someone having trouble in any of these areas could post the issue in these groups and get some serious insight. For the most part this is true, but inevitably there’s someone that will not be supportive, be sarcastic (because they think your issue is “funny”), or be outright hostile.
This has manifested itself in recent times, most notably with the “fat shaming mom” issue about a year ago. There’s always going to be debate about whether or not it is actually fat shaming what she did (Google “fat shaming mom” if you don’t know the story), but none of us are her so we don’t really know her intention. Personally I think she wanted publicity in order to sell something (and seems this is true since a “No Excuses Mom” calendar is now out), but we should be able to have an intelligent debate over the shaming issue. But no, there’s always someone that make an idiotic statement, and more often than not, that person is a man. In this instance the man stated that, and I quote, that “obesity is not sexy, and that fact cannot be argued”.
Just makes me shake my head …
The lack of empathy my gender shows for others astounds me at times. This in NO way implies that all men are like this … only that when something comes out more often than not it is a guy saying it. Even celebrities (or pseudo celebrities) don’t escape it. In a blog string, an author and self professed health expert was tagged to get his opinion on thyroid issues. He did respond (as he always does) with some answers and a string of podcast episodes where he addressed inactive thyroid issues and other things along that line. So after reading this I took the opportunity to post something about my own issue. I stated
“The problem with these articles, and with most thyroid articles, is that they center around inactive thyroid. I had thyroid cancer. I have NO thyroid.”
“Well, you’re good then!”
Seriously? “I’m good”? What kind of dumb-ass answer was that?? I had cancer and have no thyroid gland anymore, so that means I am good to go. Silly me.
Of course, because of his perceived status, I cannot call him out on that response (though I did, as well as others too). People have a hard time disagreeing with Sacred Cows, the perceived “untouchables”. I get in hot water all the time because I have no problem calling these assclowns out on their dumb statements.
And that brings up another issue. If you belong to a group of people and you generally disagree with the message of the owners of the page, why the hell do you stay in the group? Just wondering….
So, to get back to my original point, in general men tend to be assclowns. We have another in the groups that continually degrades his marriage, family, wife. We all have issues with our families at some point, but if you’re seriously that unhappy then seek help. It amazes me, actually, he gets away with it from the women in the groups. I know my female partner would be APPALLED if she thought I was bad mouthing her or our relationship publicly. I don’t get it.
My best friends, for the most part, especially in my later years after the Navy, have been women. I get along with women. Yes they have their issues also, but dealing with the false bravado of most men just drives me crazy. Everything is a competition. You can’t talk to one woman with another guy without one trying to diminish the other. When it’s done to me I find it amusing. Hell, the best man at my last wedding was a woman, and I have pictures to prove it (with me all fat and mullet sporting).
One female friend posted an article awhile ago about how women view themselves and about how men really look at them. The article was actually on point, though it was one of my irritations that it was written by a woman. I really hate it when women write about what men really think and when men write about what women really think. Even with that, it was pretty spot on. Men don’t care about what you think we care about.
That muffin top you’re all concerned about? Most of us think it’s cute.
The sideways smile? Adorable!
That one stubby big toe? Gimmee That!!
How you accidentally fart in bed and pretend it didn’t happen?
OK … well … I can’t give you that one. But the point is we see you in the best possible light. When we say “you look beautiful” we mean it. You do! We are not saying it to get it over with or to tell you what you want to hear. We actually do think you look good in anything.
Men are simple folk. Our brains are not a hodgepodge of wires crisscrossing our noggin with everything connected to everything. Men can fight with each other in the morning and be best friends that afternoon. We say what we mean … there’s no hidden meaning. But it’s that lack of emotion that I think pushes me away and toward women. I enjoy talking to women. I like hearing their thoughts and feeling about things. I personally find it fascinating. There are no politics coming into play … mostly.
When I feel I am wrong, or may be wrong, about something or someone I message women. And I get a straight answer. I don’t get the “Oh Man, Harden the Fuck Up” response, or a “you’re just being too sensitive” (usually stated in some condescending manner implying I am somehow not being a man because something bothered me.).
I have a few more examples but I will refrain because I will catch hell for it … and they really don’t add much more to this post. With all that being said, though, my longest standing active friendship is a guy I have known since my aunt was our Cub Scout leader back in DeLand. We’ve been through the ringer together; girlfriends, rock bands, deaths, and he is one of the few people I know I can count on if I needed him, even if we have not seen each other in years.
He has long hair and does yoga … I guess that’s “kind of” a girl right? 😉