It shocked me, this outburst of anger, coming from someone behind me and someone I did not know. I was already as far to the right as I could get, so I just stayed my course, and as the person who yelled it passed me I responded with my normal response when backed into a corner.
“Fuck off, asshole!”
I am very diplomatic.
Of course there was no response. Maybe he didn’t hear me. Maybe it was due to the fact that he realized I had about 80 pounds on him and he was a little rubber person? Who knows. It didn’t bother me.
Except it did.
This has been the start of my year. 2014 will easily go down as the most frustrating year I have had in a long time. What started out as the “year of the Ironman” has quickly moved to a handful of sprint races and a half marathon.
I am not quite sure what happened.
Yes the psoriatic arthritis had something to do with it of course. I have been dealing with pain for awhile but it had reached the point that I needed to do something about it. With the encouragement of Jennifer I sought help out and got the diagnosis. By that point it had progressed to the point that running was not going to happen, and even cycling was getting bad. With the guidance of Dr. Reddy I have been put on medication, and the good news is that the inflammation I had been experiencing is practically gone. Yes, there is still joint pain, but that isn’t going to get better. Once it’s degenerated it’s done, so nothing I can do at this point, but the swelling itself being gone has enabled me to start again with training. It’s been a slow process, but it is getting better. My cycling, which had once been in the 18-20 mph range is back to 15-16, and my run which was in the 12-13:00 range is now in the 14-15:00 zone. I am running with less pain now, and recovery from longer training, which was once long is now back to a day.
All of the stresses with my house (finally got the word I lost the battle on Tuesday so a move is in my future), my health, my job, took it’s toll on my relationship with Jennifer as well. When getting bombarded from all sides, and about things I sometimes don’t share, I can be … well … I can be an ass. She booted me to the curb, and I cannot really blame her. Hopefully not so much that the friendship is not salvageable. As we all know, a good mind set is required to train with full ability, and my head has not been right for awhile. As self aware and open as I am, in person and on the page, I am still at my core a dumb male. Go figure, eh?
My weight has been an issue as well, and I am not really sure what is wrong there. I have been very good with eating, no sugar at all but still eat a little grain every once in awhile. I think I have had one Coke in the past three years, but I am actually heavier today (254) then I was at this time last year (246). I train 5 days a week, eat right, but the weight is not coming off. Additionally I have been feeling tired again, fatigued, worn out, but I think that can just be mental stress. It’s all related I am sure.
But, with all that, I am reminded by Tara Newman that there have been good things this year as well. I am more in touch with who I am this year. I am much more willing to admit and own up to my faults and my mistakes without trying to blame other outside influences. I am better read, and more educated about my health. I have learned, somewhat, to keep my mouth shut at times, and I have become strong enough to stand up when I see something or hear something that is wrong, regardless of the fall out and the popularity of the person ding or saying the incorrect things. I have become a better writer (owing to the willingness to “put it all out there”). I have a clearer vision of what I want to do with the remaining few decades of my life. I have maintain Fat Slow Triathlete and watched it grow to a pretty popular and known website, and have recently started a new, more training focused blog (www.backofpack.com) to incorporate the knowledge I have gained as well as the knowledge of people I personally listen to and respect (even if I don’t agree 100% with their stances).
So I guess, after writing all that, 2014 wasn’t really a “lost year” after all … I have gained a few things this year, but the losses, and the potential losses are big for me. Is it odd that every bad year I have had happened in an even year (i.e. 1988, 1990, 1966, etc.)?
2015 is going to be HUGE.