Purging the Monkey Mind #1

I have a lot of jumbled thoughts in my head recently, and none seem enough to build a post about them on their own, at least not yet, so for my own sanity I thought I would try to purge my monkey mind in writing and just put out them out as a “random thoughts” post. Hope you all don’t mind.

Speaking My Mind
I see a lot of posts on social media ranging all over the board, from random inane posts on politics (which is very hard to walk away from at times) to pictures of food being cooked and or being lusted after. And at times I am known to make my feelings known on these items, which also at times have upset people, especially those that posted the original item, because it is taken as a personal attack on them.
Here’s the thing … those of my readers that really know me (and I mean KNOW me, not just read my stuff or listen to me on the podcast or have met me on occasion at races) know that if I have a personal issue with you, I will use your name. I don’t hide behind the written word. The reason I will post my thoughts and feelings without using a name directly is because I have no personal antagonism to a person in general. I see something and use it as an example of something that confuses me, or as an example of something being discussed. This can be about anything, but usually when it upsets someone it’s revolving around food of some kind. 
Look, I don’t care what you eat … I really don’t. If you want to fill your body with unhealthy crap then go for it. Where my personal confusion sets in is when people who are healthy in manner and in mind on one site support crap habits. I use the word “issue” a lot and I think I shouldn’t use that word, because it is not really an issue with me, but more of a “I need to understand this” type of thing. We all fall of the wagon from time to time. ALL of us. So that’s not really the point. If we go to work and they are having some party for some person and a piece of cake is passed under your nose and you slip, that’s not an issue. We’ve all been there. No, where my confusion sets in is when healthy people actively seek out the slip up. That’s what I am trying to understand. 
I belong to many groups on social media, and the thing with these groups, at least I thought, is to provide a place for like minded people to express thoughts and opinions in a closed environment … a way to “get things off our chest”. In a case this week an opinion I expressed in the group, using NO names, was identified by a group member who saw the post I was referring to and took it upon themselves to “report me” to the original poster (who is not a member of the group). I have an idea of who exactly did this, but I will let it go because, to be honest, I really don’t care. If they feel the need to report on things expressed in a closed group then that’s their drama … not mine.
So the bottom line on this is … if I have a problem with you personally you will know it … clearly. If I am not using a name then it is the post of the issue in general I am using as an example … not YOU. 
And by the way, on the same subject, I use the place “CherryBerry” a lot (also “5 Guys Burgers”) as an example of places where outwardly healthy people fill their faces with crap food. If you happen to be a patron of these fast food havens it doesn’t mean I am talking about you. I used CherryBerry recently and no less that 6 people thought I was talking about them directly. People love to think they are the focus of things. 
Another funny thing to me is I am seen as an ass for pointing out bad habits and deceptive practices but people posting and condoning bad habits and practices are not seen as an ass. That’s the state of the world now. Amazing. It’s kind of like Vinnie Tortorich promoting good habits and good food being seen as the “Angry Trainer” yet Bob Harper, who promotes bad habits and unrealistic regimens, is seen as a “good guy”. 
As many here know, and especially those listeners to Ironman:Year One, I am having a few serious issues medical wise which is derailing training and a few races. If you have followed the blog for any length of time you are aware of my issues with pain after training and especially races. I read about people my age and weight running half marathons or marathons and dancing later the same night. For three years it has been an issue for me because the pain I have felt in my bones after these races I was blaming on weight and age, and I was frustrated that I was having issues like this when I was putting in many more hours and miles than most were. Turns out there was a reason for this pain I was feeling.
I have a varied medical history. Thyroid Cancer. Low Testosterone. Estrogen above 60. And now I have been diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis. I think I have had it for awhile, but it is getting to the point now where treatment is needed or I won’t be able to walk in a few years. This started as methotrexate and now is progressing to infusions of remicade. 
I hate medication, but it is becoming a part of my life, and it makes me feel older that I am comfortable with right now. I currently take each morning Armor, Folate, Vitamin D, and some water pill I can’t spell. Then once a week I inject Testosterone into my ass. Then on Fridays I take a half dose of methotrexate in the morning and the other half at night. On Sunday and Wednesday I take an estrogen blocker (which my insurance no longer pays for). And now I will be making trips to my doctor to be infused with Remicade.
We talked about this a little bit on episode’s 20a and 20b of Ironman:Year One. Due to some financial restrictions I have had to stop using KC as my coach. This is scarier than I thought it would be. It’s on me now to set my training, hold myself accountable, and make sure I am getting the work in as I need to do. The one thing I have noticed is when looking through examples the mileage is much less than KC had me doing, and I am not sure I am ok with that, so I need to adjust some things to make sure I am ready if I am able to do the race in September.
Which brings up another point … 
The reality of not being able to do the race is real, and I need to wrap my head around that. I am getting so much support from more than a few people in the groups (again … a safe haven for me to express my doubt and fear without some assclown Type-A triathlete calling me a pussy). Tara and John Newman have been tremendously supportive, as well as Kate Thompson, Kristine Cox, Kendra Barthel, JoJo, and even people that are not in the group but read the blog, like Megan Supernovich (I know she’s married now but I can never remember her new name! It’s a serious mind block for me).
I have already dropped the half marathon this weekend (which was hard to do since it was in my hometown area and I was really looking forward to doing it … and to be honest I might still head over there Sunday morning), and I have decided to not do the Clermont 70.3 because I don’t think any good will come of it, and I cannot risk the mental part of not finishing that race if I still hold any hope of doing Chattanooga.
I have had a number of people telling me I need to back off the Ironman this year, but I am not ready to call it yet. There is still a lot of time to go, and I will probably wait until the last minute before saying yes or no. I need that goal ahead of me to keep me going. I am also keeping the Battle of the Centuries ride in Georgia on the plan for Memorial Day though I am not sure about how I am getting up there or where I can afford to stay. Kind of on my own in that regard now so finances play a bigger role than they have in the past three years. 
OK … 1500 words is enough for now I think. I am sure there will be a “Monkey Mind Part Two” in the future. Thanks for letting me ramble. 

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