“If you should go skating on the thin ice of modern life. Dragging behind you the silent reproach of a million tear stained eyes. Don’t be surprised when a crack in the eyes appears under your feet. You slip out of your depth and out of your mind with your fear flowing out behind you as you claw the thin ice.”
~ Roger Waters “The Thin Ice”
It has occurred to me today that I have started to mellow a bit. Not a lot mind you, but enough that I have noticed.
At lunch today I saw a woman that, if not for the fact that she was talking, I could have easily mistaken for a beach ball. She was all of 5 feet, and I am feeling that she would have been 5 feet no matter how you measured her. Up. Down. All around.
Anyhoo, she was eating a sub sandwich that was filled to over flowing and was as long as her arm, couple with a bag of chips and a Mountain Dew that was as tall as she was. A few months ago this would have aggravated me to no end, and sent me straight to Facebook to rail against this type of behavior, wagging a metaphoric finger in her direction decrying “Shame, Thou Art Woman!!!”
But today I just watched her as I sat in my booth and I wondered about her life. She has to know what she looks like. She sees herself every day. And she HAS to know what she is eating is bad for her, but she eats in willingly. It’s her choice right?
I have a number of people I have met in the past few years, both in running and in triathlons, who are fat and have no problem being fat. At least that’s what they say. Can they reallybe happy with it? Who knows, but I am coming to realize that, even with those I really worry about, I cannot make them care.
I wish I could show them how selfish their behavior is. If you’re alone, unmarried, no children, blah blah blah then it’s really your life … do what you want … eat McDonald’s every day … play Russian Roulette … go for it. If you have family though, and especially kids, how can you love your bad habits more than you love them? And that is what it comes down to isn’t it? If you’re over weight, or unhealthy, or smoke, or drink too much, the chances of you dying before your time is high. When you look at your child, how do you reconcile the need to smoke with the need to be with them and see them grow, get married, have children of their own?
“You gotta die of something, right?” I can hear some people saying this now. I hear it all the time. True, you will die of something, but why would you want to die of something you could have prevented? Death is inevitable, but you do have SOME control of the way you die.
I know I am far from perfect, but I am trying. I have made a number of missteps in my life, have gone down many a crooked road, and followed too many wrong or bad people, to stand here (or sit here actually) and cast dispersion’s on anyone, so if you’re reading this and it’s “hitting home” please know that I have only good intentions. Genna Beth commented on my last post that family is not only those related to you, and she is very right with that statement. My family has grown immensely in the past three years, and continues to grow. I am not sure how you all feel about me, personally, but I kinda like you all … so I’d like to have you around awhile.
“Caledonia” (Dougie MacLean)
Now I have moved and kept on moving
Proved the points I needed proving
Lost the friends that I needed losing
Found others on the way
I have kissed the girls and left some crying
Stolen dreams yes there’s no denying
I’ve traveled hard sometimes with conscience flying
Somewhere on the wind