A Most Unpleasant Man

The past week I have been thinking about writing ideas, but nothing was fleshing out enough to feel like it was worthy as a blog post (yes, believe it or not I do put some thought into what I post). I had a discussion with an old friend regarding weight issues and how it not only affects the person who is heavy, or is in the process of becoming heavy, but also how it affects the people around this person. I was reminded again of this fact by another “blog-friend” over at the “Diary of a Feisty Latina” blog. Her post today was about her re-visiting the NSNG lifestyle after becoming aware of what sugar was doing to her moods. This made me start thinking about how I was before changing my eating style.
I am honestly not sure how people put up with me.
When you eat crappy foods, and by that I mean food that have no nutritional value to your body (i.e. fructose) it affects not only how your body feels, but how your mind feels. Imagine how you are when you are sick. I know the old jokes about how men are babies when they get sick, and that is probably true, but the fact is that everyone gets testy and “short tempered” when they are not feeling well. So, imagine you are not feeling well all the damn time. You may not think you’re not projecting this to others, but you are! It’s along the same lines as when you wife/girlfriend says “Nothing” when you can tell there is something wrong and ask them (we know something is wrong, and we know we are probably the reason, so just tell us for God’s sake!). J
There are some that I have trained with (I won’t mention names because she reads this and I don’t want to hurt her feelings…again) who complain all the time about GI issues when they run, yet continually posts pictures of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, Oreo cookies, and Foursquare check-in’s at “Cherry Berry”.
Is it any wonder why they feel like crap?
I spent much of my adult life after my cancer diagnosis using the cancer as a reason for my weight gain. Yes, my weight was affected by the removal of my thyroid. Yes, my energy level was affected by the removal of my thyroid, but NO there was something I could do about it. I just chose not to. It was too hard to will myself off the couch. The extra weight hurt me when I tried to run. So I sat my ass on the couch, with potato chips on my expanding belly, watched the Biggest Loser on TV, and felt sorry for myself as my weight went from 185, to 220, to 260, and peaked at 303.
I was miserable. And I was not easy to be around. I don’t know how people could stand me.
This of course was not known to me at that time. This is hindsight. I was unhappy … in my job(s), in my life, in my marriage, in everything. I blamed everyone else. I was, as E says on his 1993 CD “Broken Toy Box”, a “Most Unpleasant Man”. I have changed much of what I am recently, especially the past two years, with a lot of help from friends and people I call friends that I have never met in person. They have not only given me the information I needed to move forward, but supported me when some that I should have been able to rely on for support chose not to. It goes along the line of “I am miserable so I want you to be miserable too”. Something I am ashamed to admit I used to do as well.
But no longer …
I will be 50 years old in two months. I don’t feel 50 in my mind, but there are days that I feel every bit of 50 in my body. I suppose that is inevitable as we get older, and perhaps it’s my penance for disgracing my body for20 years. There are some things I will never get back I know. My football injury will always be an issue. My knees will always hurt. My arthritis will always be there (though the swelling has subsided somewhat with the new eating style). My eyesight is not going to get better. So, I set my sights on what I can fix; my weight, my endurance, my strength, my willpower. All have improved and can improve more.
So as the song goes, for those of you knowing me for 50 years …
Remember me
Not as i am
But how i was
As your truest friend
Remember me
Not as i am
How did i ever become
A most unpleasant man”

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