For the Love of Cycling

The bike ride is a wonderful thing isn’t it?
The feeling of freedom it gives you as you float across the open road, taking in the sites as you pass them, feeling the breeze on your face, the warmth of the sun as it slowly turns your skin from pasty white to rosy red.
It also gives you the chance to interact with the domestic animals of the world. So many cute little dogs come out to play with you as you pass by. If you’re lucky you’ll run into the most playful of all the animals, the friendly rottweiler. This playful species is so smart, so knowledgeable about what you are actually doing, that they will aide you in both your speed work and your heart rate training … nibbling on your heels as you get faster as if to say “Come on JC!! You can go faster!! Pedal!!”.
Yes … so many pleasurable things about the bike.

And, honestly, who doesn’t love the seats, huh? The engineers behind these aerodynamic things of beauty were so adept at their craft that they managed to build it at such precise measurement that it sits perfectly on the nerve that runs from your ass to your penis. This is done so that, by the end of the ride, you can no longer feel anything in that area, thereby reducing the pain of the long rides, and totally removing the need or desire for sex for a good two to three days. In that way, you are left with more time to train.

Let’s hear it for the engineers eh?
Yay!
And so many styles to choose from! Where do you start?? Beach Cruisers!! Road Bikes!! Hybrids!! Mountain Bikes!! Triathlon, or Time Trial Bikes!! Each having their own special brand of pain and pleasure to bring you that you can actually HEAR Pinhead whispering in your ear …
“Time …. to play!”
Yes, Pinhead! Yes!! Show me your sights!!
Pinhead was an engineer in life. You knew that right?
And who doesn’t love riding when the wind has decided to pay a visit? Say what you will about the exhilaration of going downhill at 30 mph, but that doesn’t compare to the feeling of going down that same hill, with the wind in your face, and having to pedal to maintain 12 mph. Oh what fun, what joy, what utter bliss to be experienced!! The wind is smart too, because it lets you go half way, especially during an out and back course, not blowing, or giving you a little push, and THEN after you make your turn back at mile 28 it makes it appearance! The even better part about that is if it happens for a full triathlon, all 56 miles (because the wind is so magical it can blow directly into your face regardless of what direction you are heading) your legs will be too tired for the run, and you’ll get to enjoy the full time allotted for the final leg because you can take your time and walk the entire 13 miles!! See? This is the Tri Gods looking out for you. Helping you get your moneys worth for the entry fee. You paid $600 for this race, so why not enjoy every last minute of it on the course??
Yes, the bike is a wondrous thing. It gives you transportation. It gives you exercise. It gives you freedom. It helps you lose weight. But the single, most important, thing about the bike that holds it head and shoulders above all other activities?
It’s NOT the SWIM. 🙂

2 thoughts on “For the Love of Cycling

  • March 28, 2013 at 6:36 pm
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    OMG hilarious! The bike is not my friend. I love the swim. You already knew that though. 😉

  • March 28, 2013 at 6:36 pm
    Permalink

    OMG hilarious! The bike is not my friend. I love the swim. You already knew that though. 😉

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