I should be MUCH happier!!
Since starting this NSNG lifestyle I have had tons of energy. Even though my weight loss has recently leveled off (once again at a 10 pound spot, this time 240) my runs (thanks to Chi Running) have improved, my bike has improved, and even my swim has improved (though how that translates to OPEN WATER remains to be seen).
I should be one happy, dancing, fat guy right?
Something keeps gnawing at me. I am not sure what it is. This underlying … unhappiness … anxiety … that is always present for some damn reason. It might be my work, which I have not been happy with for some time. It might be my training, thought going well still not progressing as I had hoped it would. I feel burned out most of the time. That old voice in my head (you know him as Rick), trying to talk me out of workouts each night on my drive home, coming up with excuses, is back after a two year hiatus. I have managed to keep Rick at bay, but there are some days I feel him winning.
And that scares me.
Not to get into personal things, but I had some trying times the last year and a half that resulted in me, nearing 50 years old, having to almost start over where I was 20 years ago professionally. That is a hard pill to swallow. Some of it was my fault, some wasn’t, but I had to deal with it and I have the best that I can for as long as I could. The training saved me. Even though it was part of the issue that caused my departure from last position, the fact that I could train with Jennifer during the week, and friends on weekends, saved me though all of the trying times. I miss the week day training. On my own is getting easier, but the camaraderie was part of the stress relief. Part of the problem with training alone is that all I have to do is think, and thinking can be a pain in the ass sometimes.
It feels like I am a man on fire at times. The fire is there when I am standing still, and the faster I run, the faster I try to get away from it, the hotter it gets and the faster I burn.
To end on another note, you may notice the Message Tab hanging out to the right of this page —–>
This is a way for you to “talk” to me if you do not want to leave a comment. KC spoke about it in her blog (which by the way is OUTSTANDING, especially now that she is writing again. Check it out HERE) and I thought it was a great idea, so I copied her and added it to my page also. Just let me know who you are! 😉