Birth Control Glasses

Have I ever mentioned how much glasses suck?
Sure, they make me look smart and sophisticated, perhaps even a little sexy, but man are they a pain in the ass.
I have been wearing glasses since I was 7 years old. That is a long 43 years isn’t it? And through the years my eyesight has gotten worse and worse and worse. They are so thick right now that Coca-Cola actually inquired as to their availability for a new line of bottles. They were officially known in the Navy as “B.C. Glasses” which some will tell you stood for “Boot Camp Glasses” but I think secretly stood for “Birth Control Glasses” because no woman would EVER have sex with you after seeing you in them.
But I kid … 
Over the years you get used to dealing with them. I played football for a few years and you got used to having them on while playing (contacts were WAY out of the price range for my family at that time). Plus we glasses wearing players had a small role model of sorts back then in Miami Dolphins QB Bob Griese (now in the Hall of Fame) who wore glasses in the NFL with pride.
But lets make no bones about it, they are a pain in the ass. 
When I started triathlons I used to wear a set of sunglasses which would cover the frames I had, giving me some protection while on the bike and the run, so it was doable. The problem is not with the bike and the run. It is with the swim. when I started I initially thought I could get through the swim without wearing anything, but quickly found out that the inability to see markers, boats, the shoreline, other swimmers, did not help with the already built up anxiety. want to get a feel for it? Try swimming with your eyes closed. Can’t see the orange buoys too well can you? 
Through a friend I found a site called AquaGoggles that would put your prescription in a set of swim goggles for $25. They are not the best in the world, but they allow you to be able to see pretty well. So the swim was taken care of, but here’s the other issue. Since you have to trek down to the water start, you need to leave your glasses at T1 … so how do you see well enough to get to the start? So, on go the swim goggles. 
You can only look so bad-ass wearing goggles 1 mile away from swim start.
The same happens when you exit the water. You have to keep your goggles on running to T1 until you can get to your bike, praying all the time that your glasses have not been stepped on, or bumped away from you. I have been lucky so far, but I know that day is coming.
There are not many alternatives. Because of my thyroid cancer, I have a hard time with contacts because of the dryness in my eyes. I have thought about getting disposables, and just wearing them though the swim then tossing them once I got to the bike, but the expense of buying them just for that seems impractical to me.
There is also surgery. I have a fear of that surgery. These are you EYES for God’s sake. They may not be perfect ones, but at least I can see. The thought of being blind scares me. Also, my eyes are so bad that they may not be correctable to 20/20, so why pay all that money and still have to wear glasses??
I am hoping at some point these glasses will become Clark Kent specs, and I can wear them to the race to lull others into a sense of comfort seeing my rotund ass toeing the line. I can then whip them off and become Super Ironman (I think I just mixed DC and Marvel there). Able to walk on water, bike at 65 miles per hour (uphill) and outrun Summer Bailey.
A man can dream 🙂

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