This time of year is always hard on the mind. So much to do at work, at life, that training, because you are essentially in an off season, becomes secondary and hard to maintain. It’s probably not just me, but I know that others I train with manage to keep the training going through this period with little problem. So is it a weakness on my part?
But then I have to learn to move through these mental lapses. I also have to remember that, although others in my group have pressing issues as well, most do not have kids to deal with, especially a teenager as I do, so a little reality check is also in order. Most are not working at jobs they loathe which is slowly sapping away their soul. I long for the day that I can actually say “I love my job”. I have not had that in, well, not sure I have ever had that. I have had jobs I liked of course. I have had jobs that I didn’t hate getting out of bed for. But to have one I can say that I love? Hmm. Maybe Healthy Start for awhile I loved, but once I started outgrowing the position I was in, and was quelled from trying to branch out in the position because there was really no place for advancement, that became old as well.
See? I just lost focus again.
I wrote a blog entry a while ago called “Man in a Box
” that I just went back and read. I guess this post is along the same lines, so maybe it is just something we all go through from time to time, over and over again. You feel pulled in many directions. I am not one to ever have felt guilty about things, but maybe my age is getting to me, so now I start worrying about not spending enough time on my work to better my situation (not that it would … there have been no raises in 6 years and even with a promotion you’d still be paid about 60% of your value). I start worrying that I am not spending enough time at home with my son, and then when I try to do that I worry that I am not spending enough time with others. It’s a back and forth see saw.
I also think some of it is really health based. I can hear KC in my head right now saying “excuses are lies in disguise”. I know I know. But there is actually a health issue on my side. Nothing that physically keeps me from getting out there and putting one foot in front of the other. It’s a mental thing. Thyroid cancer resulted in removal of the gland which resulted in thyroid replacement therapy which resulted in low testosterone levels which resulted in body converting too much T to estrogen which resulted in daily thyroid medication … weekly self administered thyroid shots and estrogen blockers. If you’ve ever dealt with thyroid issues you know that it effects mental capacity, the ability to focus on things at times, the ability to concentrate for any length of time. It can make you a mess. When the medication is off, or a little out of whack, you can feel it. It’s a hard thing to describe to someone who has never had it or dealt with it.
Having positive reinforcement helps a lot, and in that I am very lucky. Everyone I have trained with; Megan, Genna Beth, Kate, Beth, Valerie have always been willing to give me the confidence boost I need. The fellow racers and trainers I have talked to and raced with (“with” being very subjective since the only “with” present was as they were flying by me); KC, Summer, Kathy are always there for guidance and ideas. Others like the gang at Kona Multisport (Dustin, Bruce, Dave) and Brian at FitNiche offer good advice, and more importantly, discounts. And of course Jennifer who is always there to help me through, being nice when needed and a hard ass when warranted. I am very lucky to have these people around, none of whom I would have ever met if not for triathlon.
So I know they will help get me though the tough times and be there cheering at the finish line every time I cross. Now, I just have to live up to this support.