Another Brick in the Wall

It’s a never ending surprise to me how much the way I grew up influences me still in the way I react to things.

I get upset, irritated, annoyed at certain things which, when I think of them later, make me wonder why they have that effect on me exactly. I suppose I could think of this as being self aware enough to know I over react or over think things at times, but on the other hand, if I am aware of it, why can I not change the effect it has on me?

I have my hot buttons, as everyone does. In no specific order it is (1) being disrespected, (2) unfairness, and (3) illogical thinking or behavior. Now I know I am guilty of all three things at some point in time. I have looked down at people at times, though I am pretty sure I don’t do it a lot. I tend to be the opposite. I despise people being looked down upon because of their station in life. This is most likely due to my parents, one of the few good things they gave me I think. because I grew up with very little, we never assumed or treated people like they were below us. I remember a number of times coming to breakfast and my Dad had invited the garbage man in to eat because he knew he had not eaten. His name was Tammy. My sister sometimes reads this blog and I think she can attest to this action. It was a good lesson. With as little as we had, there were people who had less, and when that happens it is our duty to help them out. I firmly, FIRMLY, believe that the “haves” should help the “have nots”. Are there people who take advantage of that? Absolutely. But I think they are far less than those that actually need the help.

I have also noticed that I have started to be much more vocal about these irritations. Maybe it’s age? I am sure that’s part of it. You get to the part in your life where keeping your mouth shut and have the tension build inside of you is just not worth it anymore. When I was “dismissed” from Moffitt I promised myself that where ever I ended up I would not keep things to myself anymore. This has not ingratiated me with some of my supervisors where I work now, but it’s just worth the tension of keeping it inside. If I think something doesn’t make sense, I say something. It may do nothing to change it, but it gets on record of being said. I think this comes from having to keep my mouth shut growing up (Dad was not one to allow for children to have say in anything), and then 10 years in the Navy. It gets ingrained in you after a while.

About a year ago I posted on my Facebook page that I was tired of listening (or reading) all of the political “experts”, so I wrote that if I saw anything that was stated in a derogatory manner, either for or against EITHER party, I would remove that person. I don’t think people took me seriously because they act shocked when I send the last message of “sorry, I need to remove you at this point”. I know I was guilty of it too, but I think my stance confused more than anything else, because I belong to neither party and just find it irritating when people state things they obviously know nothing about, so there were times I would respond to an attack on Obama, and the next day would respond to an attack on Romney. I was actually accused of being “simple minded” when I removed the last person. I just hate single mindedness, and believing in something because you saw it on FOX or CNN (who are BOTH biased reporting) without any person thought of your own.

So, not really sure what my point of this post is. It’s not triathlon or running based. Just something I have been mulling over recently. Self reflection is not a bad thing.

Is it?

One thought on “Another Brick in the Wall

  • August 28, 2012 at 3:49 am

    Self reflection is definitely not a bad thing. It is the way to evaluate our pathways, clear our minds, touch our souls and open or mend our hearts. You are great at the reflection pieces and it shows your transformation is more than physical. As one of my favorites once said,
    “He lived at a little distance from his body, regarding his own acts with doubtful side-glances. He had an odd autobiographical habit which led him to compose in his mind from time to time a short sentence about himself containing a subject in the third person and a verb in the past tense.”
    ― James Joyce, Dubliners

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