If you have been following this blog for any length of time you know that my motivation, while high most of the time, tends to wane a little bit occasionally, especially after a race where I did worse than expected. It happened after my first race, Escape from Fort DeSoto in April due to the swim anxiety issue that arose, and then again after St. Anthony’s because I got food poisoning (or something) at 2 AM the morning of the race and had to pull out at the last minute. But since then I have been experiencing good races … I had the swim anxiety hit at Mad Beach but worked through it and had a good race, and the Crystal River series (2 of 3) went very well as far as anxiety was concerned (actually swimming the 1/4 mile under 9 minutes), so I thought my issues with the water was handled ….
…. then I returned to Fort DeSoto once more for Top Gun ….
I looked at the race as a kind of “redemption”. I had 3 good races under my belt and had the swim down. I was working out in the pool and was managing 50 meter swim under 52 seconds. I felt I HAD this beat. But as soon as I went in the water for acclimation the panic set in again. There is something about the water there that is getting in my head. I feel like I am over exerting myself, which is leading to breathing issues, and then panic setting in, and before I even knew it, at the second buoy, I was once again on my back back stroking and fighting to breathe. It was so difficult that when I finished I was so light-headed that I thought I was going to pass out, and the idea of dropping was there, but I walked to transition and pushed onto the bike, and then the run … getting better as the race went on but once I knew my goal was out of reach I was trying hard to not just “shut down”.
So … does it get better? My contacts on Daily Mile and my training partner continue to tell me it will, as well as remind me that this is my first season, and it gets better the second year, and the third. I cannot compare myself to people my age (and older) that have been competing for years. I need a few seasons under my belt. I know this … I need to keep the faith … keep training … keep finding people that are veterans of this and soak up the information they supply like a sponge. I need to reign myself (and my partners) in on some goals we have and not try to do “too much too soon” on the distances. I am thinking now that it is better to get some races I can excel at under my belt to build the confidence I lack than to attempt races that are a bit too much for me and get frustrated to the point that I give up.
I need to lose much more weight. I need to get it off me. I have lost over 60 pounds since I started this but have been stuck at 240-245 for three months and feeling my energy levels drop again. Not sure what is happening, other than I have been “spreading out” some medications due to being unemployed, trying to make them last … and that is probably affecting the weight loss and energy too. Since the race Saturday I have been gaining one pound per day, and this is after running 4 miles and biking 15. How does ANYONE burn through 2500 calories and GAIN weight?? It’s not water retention (I take medication to prevent that).
I weighed in at doctors yesterday and found I have lost 1% in bodyfat (good) and 1% in muscle mass (not good) since my last visit 2 months ago but GAINED weight. How does that happen??????? That makes no common sense to me ….
Anyway … I will keep plugging through this … this is where having a team I am training with, and training partners counting on me, helps. If it was just me doing this I may be quitting by now.
So …. I am getting on the trainer now …. with a right knee that is hurting and a right foot that is hurting and a left shoulder that is hurting …. and try to get my 15 miles in before heading to North Tampa for my weekly group 5k run at 6:30.
If I gain weight tomorrow I may, in fact, have to shoot someone …. just saying … 😉
|Last 7 Days of Weight Tracking|